Living two lives

Since arriving home at my parents’ house, it felt like I was living two lives. In the evenings and mornings I had some sense of normality, when I felt the fresh air, saw people living a normal life and had my home comforts around me. Yet I struggled to ever relax and switch off as I lived every minute in fear of my phone ringing and was overwhelmed by a strong sense of guilt that I wasn’t in the hospital with my girls. Continue reading “Living two lives”

Welcome to Holland

Throughout the summer Connor and I received weekly support from the clinical psychologist. That support was so beneficial to us, and her amazing ability to make me rethink the situation from a different point of view and to give me comfort was second to none.  I was shocked and saddened to hear that she no longer came round the Neonatal Ward.  It’s my understanding that she was ‘borrowed’ by the NICU one day a week from another ward and there may have been a funding cut there.  Her support was integral to my mental well-being and my ability to keep going and stay strong for my girls. Continue reading “Welcome to Holland”

Getting used to our new way of life

After a very steady drive back, we arrived at my Mum and Dad’s. My Dad and Connor had been very busy working on the loft but our house was still a building site. Continue reading “Getting used to our new way of life”

Living by the hour: Part 1

After visiting my girls for the first time, we returned to the antenatal ward at around 2am. Even though I had lived here for the past two and a half weeks, it felt like a different place. I barely recognised the ward. Nothing felt the same yet everything was so familiar. Continue reading “Living by the hour: Part 1”

Sunday 10th July 2016

I found it very difficult sleeping on Saturday night. Things were beginning to feel different. The period pains weren’t going away and I didn’t have trapped wind. I knew deep down that this was the beginning of labour. Continue reading “Sunday 10th July 2016”

The antenatal ward. Part 3: Mind Over Matter

Over the course of the seventeen days I was in hospital, I probably became the strongest I’ve ever been. I learnt how to survive; how to ignore the thoughts of my worst fears creeping into my mind; how to stay strong when being strong is the only option; how to listen and accept news I didn’t ever imagine hearing about me and my babies Continue reading “The antenatal ward. Part 3: Mind Over Matter”

The antenatal ward. Part 2: A Typical Day

05:00 Cereals (from cupboard) and peppermint tea: I actually got excited about which of the Kellogg’s selection boxes I was going to eat. I know I’m sad when it comes to cereals. I had to waddle to the kitchen to make and eat these. An opportunity to say “good morning” to the nurses and stretch my legs. Continue reading “The antenatal ward. Part 2: A Typical Day”