My history with grief Up until Esme died, I was very fortunate that the only grief I had experienced was that of losing three grandparents.
Realising I was mentally unwell
Although I wasn’t aware of it, my anxiety had probably been building up for a number of years, but only came to a head when I was in my fourth year of teaching mainstream education. By Christmas, 2013, I had reached my limit. I found it difficult to cope with all the unnecessary additional pressure of teaching. Continue reading “Tackling Anxiety”
Just another day
Just another day. That little phrase sounds so simple, so easy. However, as I learn to overcome my anxiety, cope with grief and surviving pregnancy after prematurity and baby loss, that day can either feel like climbing a mountain or a warm summer’s breeze. Continue reading “Just Another Day”
“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning how to dance in the rain!”
Vivian Greene Continue reading “Learning to dance in the rain”
In the November after bringing Charlotte home a dear friend taught me how to knit. I needed something to do during the hours while Charlotte napped. My Mum had always advised sleeping while your baby sleeps but I have never been good at daytime napping and, despite being emotionally exhausted from the pain of losing Esme, my mind felt too on edge to sleep. Continue reading “Survival”
As soon as the girls were born I felt broody. It didn’t feel natural and that often made me confused. I had given birth to my girls, they were here with me, so why was I experiencing this overwhelming feeling of broodiness? Continue reading “Hope”
Gaining control of my life
Fifteen months after saying goodbye to Esme, I feel like a different person. Despite enduring the toughest few years of my life, I am in the best emotional place I have ever been. I feel in touch with my mind and emotions and able to listen to what my body is telling me. Continue reading “Turning a corner”
June was a big month for spending time away from Charlotte.
As much as I dreaded leaving her and working full time for the next seven weeks, returning to work wasn’t as bad as I thought. The hardest part of the day was saying goodbye to Charlotte and I would have to play the radio very loud for the first five minutes of the journey. Continue reading “A First for Everything – Summer”
At the start of the month I began my bereavement counselling. I was a nervous wreck before my first session and I didn’t know what to expect. I congratulated myself for arriving with plenty of time to spare, had a drink of water, reapplied my favourite lipstick and stepped out of the car. Continue reading “A First for Everything – Spring”
Our first year without Esme.
On many occasions during the first year without Esme, I was anxious about life without her or thought that I should be spending the day with both of my daughters or worried about how I would cope, especially if I wasn’t in the comfort of my own home. Continue reading “A First for Everything – Autumn & Winter”
In the initial weeks after bringing Charlotte home, I put stars up all over our house. Just like I felt closer to Esme when I was out walking the dogs, seeing the stars everywhere in the house made me feel closer to her indoors. Continue reading “Still a Mummy of Twins”