June was a big month for spending time away from Charlotte.
As much as I dreaded leaving her and working full time for the next seven weeks, returning to work wasn’t as bad as I thought. The hardest part of the day was saying goodbye to Charlotte and I would have to play the radio very loud for the first five minutes of the journey. Continue reading “A First for Everything – Summer”
At the start of the month I began my bereavement counselling. I was a nervous wreck before my first session and I didn’t know what to expect. I congratulated myself for arriving with plenty of time to spare, had a drink of water, reapplied my favourite lipstick and stepped out of the car. Continue reading “A First for Everything – Spring”
Our first year without Esme.
On many occasions during the first year without Esme, I was anxious about life without her or thought that I should be spending the day with both of my daughters or worried about how I would cope, especially if I wasn’t in the comfort of my own home. Continue reading “A First for Everything – Autumn & Winter”
In the initial weeks after bringing Charlotte home, I put stars up all over our house. Just like I felt closer to Esme when I was out walking the dogs, seeing the stars everywhere in the house made me feel closer to her indoors. Continue reading “Still a Mummy of Twins”
22nd September 2016
I’m afraid to tell you, that you have created a ridge between myself and my husband. I hate you for it. You are the one thing that I want to talk to my husband all about but he won’t let me. Continue reading “For my husband”
A mother’s grief
My journey into grief and losing Esme has been one that I never imagined I would ever have had to live through. I never thought I would know what it feels like for my heart to hurt, to be torn in two and to be shattered. Continue reading “A Mother’s Grief”
For the first few months of having Charlotte home, I found night-time and early morning feeds the hardest. Even though I had Charlotte cuddled into me feeding and Connor was there asleep, I felt lost and lonely. Continue reading “Just one more time”
Before Charlotte left the neonatal unit she had to do a car seat challenge. This was to make sure she could tolerate being in the car seat for the journey home, without her breathing being affected. Continue reading “Life after NICU – out & about”
Bringing Charlotte home was one of the most exciting yet daunting events of my life.
My first weeks at home with Charlotte were spent lost in a confused array of emotions. I was filled with love, joy and worry for Charlotte alongside pain, heartache and grief for Esme. Continue reading “Life after NICU – Homelife”
When Charlotte and Esme were still in hospital and a nurse explained to me that some babies go home on oxygen, I freaked out. At the time, I told the nurse that I would rather stay in hospital until their lungs were strong enough to breathe by themselves. Continue reading “Home on oxygen”